NSCA  (National Slow Cooker Association) Under Attack     

Glenn Harrell

The pressure is on! Now that Islamic terrorists, I mean, hateful people with religious hang-ups, I mean terrorists with ties to religion, I mean… well, just take your pick, are using the dreaded slow cooker weapon, the National Slow Cooker Association is under attack by

Citizens Against Slow Cooker Violence. (CASCV)


The CASCV leader, Whata Messofcrock, is pointing a finger at the very people who manufacture and distribute these life-threatening devices. He is demanding that they restrict the sales and use of slow cookers to minors under the age of 17.

This group is also insisting that a one-quart minimum capacity be instituted on all slow-cookers. Further, background checks are being demanded of any and all who wish to purchase these devices for their homes. Pawn shop and private sales of these devices are also subject to license and quantity restrictions.

 Crock pot owners everywhere are furious of these demands and are citing the “Martha Amendment” as their right to slow-cook.

“I have been safely using my cooker for years, and if you want to take mine from me, you’ll have to tear it from my stone cold dead hands”, comments a 90 year old crock-pot user. For her terroristic threat, she was finger printed and placed on a watch list.

She will not be allowed to fly to the annual “Crock” convention that she has attended each year since she was 70 years old.

CASCV president, Mr. Messofcrock, insisted that she be made an example of, and hopes that we all learn from her mistake.

At the same time, political conservatives have welcomed her to speak at their next rally. The fear is that the government wants to take away all our slow cookers!


The president of the NSCA, (National Slow Cooker Association)  Mr. Putta Lidonit, insists that,

“It’s not the Crock, but the cook who is at fault here. When slow cookers are taken from law abiding citizens, only law breakers will be able to own slow cookers.”

He wants to put a lid on the assault of our freedoms to own and use slow cookers the way we see fit.


Today, the world is learning about Islam and Christianity, by and large, from the media. This fact alone explains most of the confusion surrounding both families of faith. How many of us have actually read the Qur’an and the bible for ourselves?

In truth, many Muslims choose to read the Qur’an texts just the same as so many Christians chose to read the Holy Bible. NOT AT ALL. The result is that both Christianity and Islam are redefined on a regular basis to what we all want them to be, not in reality what their texts define them to be. This plague of doctrinal abuse has led to the almost daily assumptions given by those who have personal, political and financial aspirations greater than any inner quest for peace with a god or a commitment to true orthodoxy.

It also brings the world face to face with gross inconsistencies. We so want all religions to be peaceful and sweet that we will deny history of their abuse and we will rebuff those who seek to remind us. We so want our religious institutions to play nicely with one another that we insist that their gods are equal and the same. Each abrogation of their texts just falls right back on our heads as if to say, “no thanks.” Of necessity, we hope to make them benign to the teachings steeped in their formations.

Bill Maher notes,

“But, you know, Mecca is the capital of the country, (Saudi Arabia)” he continued. “And they routinely put people to death … the religious capital, but its equivalent to like the Vatican, right — with Catholicism. And, if at the Vatican, they were putting people to death for homosexuality and apostasy, and, you know, adultery — things like that,

I feel that there would be a big outcry.

I feel that liberals would be upset about that, and it is the center of the religion. It’s a ‘mecca.’”

 Jesus speaks:  

“Don’t any of you know what I am talking about by now? Don’t you know that the food you put into your mouth goes into your stomach and then out of your body? But the words that come out of your mouth come from your heart. And they are what make you unfit to worship God. Out of your heart come evil thoughts, murder, unfaithfulness in marriage, vulgar deeds, stealing, telling lies, and insulting others. These are what make you unclean. Eating without washing your hands will not make you unfit to worship God.”   Matthew 15:15-20

If what Jesus says is true, then restricting crock pots (or weapons of any kind) has little hope of being the remedy we seek. Evil and murder do not come from inanimate objects, but flesh and blood. We have heart, soul and mind issues at the root of our weaponry abuse.

We live in a country where secular humanism has taken root and God/morality is out. Family is disintegrating, sexual and social dysfunction is celebrated, jails are full, and drug use is epidemic, while gruesome violence is glorified for profit in our media.

Not enough people are speaking out against all this.

Here’s a good parallel question: Would restricting the sales of scalpels prevent the murders of thousands of babies in the womb? No. As hurt and frustrated as we are, all murder comes from evil hearts within humanity.

Did the law against alcohol succeed in eradicating all the effects of drunkenness and alcoholism in our countries history? When a person wants to drive drunk today, they will find a set of keys, no matter MADD or police or friend or taxi.

Evil, bent on evil, has never seen a law that can prevent it, only punish it after the fact, no matter how much we may want to blame the crock pot or how many laws we set in place to prevent it.


So–YES, by all means, let us have laws, but we must not stop there–we must address the root cause of our personal and societal problems.

“We know that the Law is good, if it is used in the right way. We also understand that it wasn’t given to control people who please God, but to control lawbreakers, criminals, godless people, and sinners. It is for wicked and evil people, and for murderers, who would even kill their own parents. The Law was written for people who are sexual perverts or who live as homosexuals or are kidnappers or liars or won’t tell the truth in court. It is for anything else that opposes the correct teaching of the good news that the glorious and wonderful God has given me.”   I Timothy 1:8-11


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