JCPenney SWEARING IN “BIBLE”

Swearing In.     Blane Ohio

Not to be outdone by recent Representatives Talib and Omar using the Muslim Quran, or Nikki Fried, the lone Democrat using the Hebrew bible,

Mark Klemnser was sworn in as County Deputy Clerk today. Controversy has risen over his choice for a “bible”.

He proudly used an original JC Penny’s catalog from 1913 that was signed by the  founding father James Cash Penney himself.

The justification for using this catalog convinced everyone:

1-He shopped there religiously and almost exclusively—he, his wife and children.

2-The sales were all in the “thank God” category.

3-Even though JCP is failing, he vows to continue his support of JC Penny to the end.

4-He is aware of the many errors in this book but assures everyone that they can all be explained by the great staff at headquarters.

5-He memorized every picture.

Mark Klemnser commented:

“When you file an Oath of Office, you swear to support and uphold the Constitution of the United States, the Constitution of the State of Ohio, and the Charter of the City of Blane.  You also pledge to faithfully discharge the duties to which you have been elected, appointed, or hired to execute.”

Fearing those who might question his separation of department store and state, he also remarked,

“JC Penny is at the heart of my commitment and yet I promise to keep my devotion to the religion of materialism distinct and separate from my job.”

At the time of this writing, Ellen Rothsun is planning to use an original, autographed Martha Stewart (pre-jail) cookbook when she is sworn in as County Tax Assessor in early March.