Just in time for “Shout Your Abortion”
Ima Allwise, a long time Planned Parenthood employee, found one of their most powerful tools that had been lost since the early 1950’s.
“I was rummaging through an old closet where we hid, I mean stored, unborn body parts, I mean cellular tissue blobs. I just happened to knock over a box and it rattled like glass. Inside I found the long-lost crystal ball that was handed down from our own beloved Margaret Sanger. What a find. I even got a raise.”
Margaret Sanger on the right
Dr. Leana Wen, the new Planned Parenthood Director, remarked,
“Since Margaret’s crystal ball disappeared, we have been running on intuition and I might say, great intuition at that. We have successfully seen to it that millions of children in the womb never had to be born only to enter poverty or family dysfunction.
None of the children that we predicted would suffer diseases or be a burden on parent and society ever saw the light of birth-day. And that’s a lot of work on our part. We hope you appreciate all the death and destruction we have prevented by taking these lives!
But now that our crystal ball is back, we can be absolutely certain that each mother can have their unborn killed and removed from their body with perfect conscience because now we can tell them with 100% accuracy just how this child was saved from poverty and a poor quality life. Now, this child will never be a burden on society and our welfare state.
I WAS FIRST IN LINE TO TRY IT OUT.
THIS IS WHAT WE CAN NOW SEE IN THE SANGER CRYSTAL BALL.
1-We see massive overpopulation
Not only are we telling pregnant women that a baby will spoil their fun in their personal future, now we can show them what complete devastation and ruin will come to the over-populated world for her child. We prevent this young mother from having an over-crowded world on her conscience. I just love us. Call us “population control, compassionate care-givers.”
2-We see theft of life
Young mothers who decide to see their child alive—we are confident that a baby will ruin any chance they have at being happy and fulfilled as a person. When a young mother-to-be decides to allow a doctor to destroy the new life within her, she is becoming a Saint—a compassionate person beyond measure. She can now finish school without public assistance, even though none of her friends can do it. She can go to dances, vacations parties and fun times—all without the burden of a baby.
Young fathers-to-be can also find great relief. Being absolved from both sexual irresponsibility and the slavery of being a responsible father is no small thing. With this blob of tissue removed from the mother’s body, all memory will be erased, all financial obligations gone, and no one will feel a tinge of guilt or remorse.
3-We see no grief, remorse, depression, anxiety and suicide
Every abortionist and abortion provider, as well as mothers who secure their services, sleep well at night—thanks to the miracle of powerful anti-depressants and life-long counseling.
4-We see the ever pressing, ever shouting Anti-abortionists
They just never go away.
5-We see the horrors of the unborn.
Well. I wasn’t supposed to mention that one.
6-We see the need for more money.
We can see clearly now. Naturally, our new vision into the future means we need your help. My salary alone is enough to support a small city. More aborted things inside the mother means more money people. Please give so that we can take away.
And finally, thank you American people for giving us your tax dollars–thank you politicians for your greed and cowardice that keeps us well funded. We really do appreciate you.”