Where and when did the whole idea of “falling” come from? It turns out, no one that I have found has an inkling of where the term originated. But nearly everyone agrees that it has meant and continues to imply being surprised that this thing has come upon you. It is supposed to be akin to stepping off into a hole that you never saw.
Then we “fall” in love with our children at a level of love previously unknown because—how could we have known? Watching other parents and even sitting for their children doesn’t produce the same effect.
Falling then is supposed to include a bumfuzzlement of sorts. Like, wow, where did that come from? In actuality, falling in love includes bewilderment and a confluence of emotions that can be overwhelming to many.
So why then does Linda Ronstadt say that “It’s so easy”?
Written by Buddy Holly and Norman Petty
© 1958 mpl Communications Inc (Bmi)
“It’s so easy to fall in love, It’s so easy to fall in love
People tell me love’s for fools. Here I go breaking all the rules
Seems so easy Yeah, so doggone easy
Oh it seems so easy, Yeah where you’re concerned, My heart can learn
It’s so easy to fall in love, It’s so easy to fall in love
Look into your heart and see, What your lovebook has set aside for me”
If love is this accidental amorous happenchance, “set aside in a lovebook”, then it must be possible for an accidental falling out of love experience. I wake up one morning, look over at my mate and realize that the “love” I accidentally, unexpectedly fell into has had the pothole repaired and I no longer feel those origin-unknown incantations of lightheadedness and boyish/girlish giddy.
This is where we understand that “falling in love” is often nothing more than loving how I feel about myself when with that person. And it explains why I may choose to send this person packing after many years of marriage. (or she sends me packing)
Vows of chastity and faithfulness before God and man can then be relegated to the annuls of a mistaken past—a blunder of errors based upon a fickle feeling of falling somewhere I know/knew not. How else can we explain over half of marriages ending in a divorce? Someone fell in and someone fell out.
A BETTER WAY I Corinthians 13:4-7
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Real love may start out as an accidental, falling feeling or attraction for another person. It may even cause a person to vow eternal commitments before they are ready. And what does it take to be ready. One word—MATURITY. Marriage requires love in the form of maturity.
Growing up and maturing emotionally means that my love has nothing to do with falling in and or out of anything. It means that I offer patience, a lack of arrogance and self-centeredness. Being in love may have associative feelings or not but for certain it will also refuse to harbor resentments, bitterness and lack of forgiveness. It believes the best in another through belief, hope and endurance.
“Why should one never fall in love with a pastry chef. “He’ll dessert you.” –unknown
Every love needs a commitment that eliminates any open back doors or “escape hatches” for those times when love ain’t so pretty and the feelings just aren’t there. Such an escape plan is often called a “prenuptial agreement”. What kind of relationship and love can grow in an environment that is essentially saying, “now don’t you mess up or I will leave.” Such a marriage starts out on one leg and limps along until one falls. Such love is only for good times and my personal feelings without regard to another or a vow or these words,
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Matthew 19:6
Eventually the gooey love-feelings lose their power over us—they come and go: CONVINCINGLY
Eventually we love our mate as Christ loves us: ETERNALLY
Eventually a man loves his wife as Christ loves His church, the bride: FAITHFULLY
Eventually a woman loves such a husband with honor and respect: GLADLY
Sometimes, when these eventually’s don’t happen by the book, an individual can experience something that comes as a result of “HARDNESS OF HEART”–divorce. And just like all things grace, there is recovery after such separation that wasn’t supposed to happen.
Very often, both spouses learn to cease searching for that illusive feeling of falling and focus instead on keeping one another. They choose to love instead of running away–choose to grow and mature instead of carrying unresolved past hurts, guilt and selfishness into yet another relationship.
Love is the engine and feelings the caboose. Feelings so want to be the engine, but they fail miserably at the task. A decisive love will work hard and wait patiently for the feelings to follow. (and they always do when love is mature)
To fall in love, all we need is a receptor and a willingness to feel. To love with a commitment is to make and keep our vows, especially when we discover that our mate has clay feet. This is a MATURE love and seemingly much rarer than the falling kind.
We may get into love by accidentally falling but we will stay in love by walking uprightly and loving unselfishly in forgiveness and devotion.
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled,
for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” Hebrews 13:4