9-2018 –Highland Arkansas
Residents are stung by the decision but grateful for all the attention. Local and national news media have come to report on yet another identity crisis.
Five-year-old, little Suzie Lampkernol now has nothing but support from family and community alike in her confident conversion from human to insect. Her mother reveals how it all began.
“Our ‘Soo-Z-B’ was playing up on the hill where we keep our bees just as she always has.
Just before lunch that day she came running down to reveal the news. She said,
‘Mommy look—I’m a bee!’
She was so excited, all in a buzz, flitting about, and seemed not to bee as down and discouraged as she had been since her dog died. If she thinks and feels she is a bee, then this must be true.
As long as she is happy, that’s what matters most. Her confidence and maturity are an inspiration to us all. Our only problem–we cannot get our little honey to wear anything but her bee outfit. She now has seven, one for each day of the week and each one is a different variety of the bee family.”
Doctors, pharmaceuticals, surgeons and counselors have assured the family that Suzie’s new bee identity is real and valid. In defiance of science, the medical journals will change once again. They also agreed that without necessary medications and surgeries, she will grow out of this fantasy period in her life and become a normal young lady. Therefore, they encourage treatment as soon as possible because each doctor has late payments due on their overseas vacation homes.
At the time of this printing, the father could not be reached for comment. He has been absent since her second birthday. Also, her younger brother Ben, who wants to be a fireman when he grows up, may be changing his mind as he is identifying as a dalmatian. The mother plans to demonstrate parental maturity by waiting a couple of weeks before his meds and surgeries begin. Because of his age, they “want to make sure he isn’t just being a little boy”. We will keep you updated on his progress.
“Jesus said to His disciples, “It is inevitable that stumbling blocks come, but woe to him through whom they come! It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than that he would cause one of these little ones to stumble.” —Luke 17:1-2