NFL PLAYERS KNEEL FOR GUNS

February 22, 2018

Washington—NFL players gather in a rare off-season tribal moment to advance (take a knee for) their newest cause.This time it is for gun violence in schools. Players throughout the league, along with owners and management, will take a knee and their cause to the ball field with the insistence that our founders will come back to life and fix the problems they have caused.

It appears that once again, the USA, war veterans, the American flag, and the recently beleaguered National Anthem, will take another beating. We were not aware, but obviously they are to blame for gun violence, prejudice, police brutality, Beyonce and the 20oz. Big Gulp.

The president of the NFL players association, speaking on behalf of the owner’s association too, remarked,

“This is no small thing. Instead of a few ball-wielding millionaires snubbing our country and holding it hostage to childish whim, we have the entire NFL on board. No holdouts this time! No one will salute the flag or sing our national anthem.”

So, it appears that this may become yet another # moment that tosses a hail Mary, and offers little more than a dropped ball, with sore knees for its efforts. But maybe not.

Buster “Buffalo” Chip (just received his 4 million dollar signing bonus—angry because it was supposed to be 6) hopes to take this thing to the next level. Reporters reveal that he is planning to donate $75.00 to the police department in his home town so that they can hopefully do a better job and have the latest equipment. Buster is quoted to have said,

“We refuse to be patriotic and honor a country that allows this kind of violence and cruelty in our schools. We won’t solute that flag or sing that national anthem, even if Fergie shows up to lead us all. I am serious about getting guns off the street–serious enough to make a financial investment. This should also help me finally get that parade they have been promising me.”

The famous linebacker, “Kep” Whiningalot was interrupted briefly while at his car dealership. He granted an interview, only after he signed with the Eagles (a mere 7 million) Sitting in his new red Lamborghini, he opined,

You *#^@*% right I will be taking a knee for this one. Read my lips— No ‘Star Spangled Banner” for me (unless it’s my parade for me). Now get out of my face.”

We were going to ask Kep about his active NRA membership, but deemed he was a bit too upset and might be packing.

That’s it folks, if our government won’t stop the gun violence, the NFL has a game plan!

Glenn Harrell reporting 2-18

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