“Night Vision Saves Church Worship Service”

Palmont CA– November 2017

“Not just any night vision goggle—these turn daylight into night.”

Church officials are praising the creative efforts of “Handy” Andy Balfour. When the church lights accidentally came full-on during a recent worship service, Andy was ready. He had placed night vision goggles underneath each cushiony theater seat. Not just any night vision goggle—these turn daylight into night. Almost as if the congregation had rehearsed the exercise before, each worshiper placed the night vision goggles on in prompt fashion. One church member even said,

 “How glorious it was to have my fears relieved! When those lights flooded my eyes, I simply put on the goggles and within seconds I was back into the worship just as always. In fact, it may have been even darker than ever in the room. I liked that!”

The only other glitch in the morning service was when several of the reclining motors in the seats failed to operate. Some of the attendees were forced, not only to sit in the light for a few moments, but also in the discomfort of the upright position. The Elders of the church apologized to their customers and, along with the “Executive” Pastor, promised to investigate how this might never happen again. They made a statement to the effect,

 “As people of the light, we are committed to worshiping in the dark and with great comfort. Please do not interpret this accidental invasion of light as in any way a weakening of our resolve to keep you comfortably in the dark.”

The only complaint came from an anonymous lady in the church.

 “I had done a poor job with my hair and make-up today. When those lights came on, I really did panic. Not only did the night vision goggles put us all back into our darkened states, they also looked great, and the color matched my make-up-scheme as well. I was gonna be mad but, hey, thank you Handy-Andy!”


A new trend has fallen into place here at the Riverbend Springs Christ-Point-Calvary Rock Church. The church is directing anyone who can recognize their neighbor seated next to them to wear the light restricting, fashionable head wear. “Should you know this person by name or facial feature, please adjust them properly to the lowest-light setting so that these people appear as any common Sunday morning concert goer.”


Some of you are asking, “what about the performers on stage?” Please do not worry. Under no circumstances will the spotlights be allowed to dim for them. Their pearly whites, amazing fashion wear, and possible recording contracts are ultimate priorities.

The RSCPCR Church even paid the power bill 6 months in advance and had a back-up generator installed.

Andy shared his favorite verse of scripture in a fellowship held in his honor,

“Don’ take part in doing those worthless things that are done in the dark.” Ephesians 5:11


Tax deductible contributions to the “Handy Andy Night Vision” fund may be made by email, Text, Facebook, Visa, App or a personal visit to the church office.

Their motto is, “We’ll keep the lights off for you when no one else will”.

www.openhandspublications.com    Glenn W. Harrell  11-17


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