IT SEEMS TO ME THAT ALL THE IMPORTANT DECISIONS IN LIFE ENTAIL RISK. DECISIONS LIKE GETTING MARRIED, GETTING DIVORCED, CHANGING JOBS, KEEPING THE SAME JOB, HAVING ANOTHER CHILD, HIKING IN ALASKA, RETIREMENT INVESTMENTS, DOWN HILL SKIING, DRIVING IN THE 5 O’CLOCK TRAFFIC, BUYING A USED CAR, ETC. BUT ONE OF THE GREATEST FEARS, IS THE FEAR OF BEING INCREASINGLY HONEST. RISK USUALLY PROMOTES FEAR OF UNPREDICTABLE OUT-COMES.
PARADOXICALLY, FEAR IS RARELY UNDONE WITHOUT GOING BACK TO THE FEAR PRODUCING SCENE. A PERSON AFRAID OF WATER GENERALLY STAYS OUT OF THE WATER. THUS, THE FEAR REMAINS UNCHANGED. TO HAVE ANY HOPE OF CHANGING A FEAR, ONE MUST ENTER THE WATER AND TRY DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT. IF DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT WORKS, THE FEAR MAY BE REDUCED TO A MERE SENSE OF CAUTION AND REPLACED WITH ENJOYMENT, LIKE SWIMMING.
MANY OF OUR FEARS WERE LEARNED DURING OUR CHILDHOOD YEARS. LATER, SOME WERE LEARNED DURING A DIVORCE, A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT, OR ANY NUMBER OF UNPREDICTABLE EVENTS. FEARS CAN SIMPLY ACCUMULATE AS WE TRAVEL DOWN THE ROAD OF LIFE. BUT INCREASING FEARS ALSO PRODUCES INCREASING SELF-ISOLATION, AND SELF-ISOLATION FROM THE FEAR PRODUCING CIRCUMSTANCE MEANS LESS LEARNING ABOUT WHAT WE COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY.
AND SO IT WHEN SOMETHING OR SOMEONE TRIGGERS RESENTMENT. TO AVOID THAT RESENTMENT-TRIGGERING PERSON OR SITUATION WE MAY SELF-ISOLATION FROM THEM. THIS IS A VERY QUICK, EASY AND ECONOMICAL WAY TO AVOID MY OWN RESENTMENTS.
HOWEVER, IT DOES REQUIRE MORE AND MORE SELF-ISOLATION TO RETAIN THAT ESCAPE. AS WELL, IT’S LIKE THAT PERSON WHO IS AFRAID OF WATER. THEIR SENSE OF INNER PEACE DEPENDS ON AVOIDING IT. NOTHING NEW CAN BE LEARNED TO UNDO THE FEAR OF WATER. ONE HAS TO GET INTO IT AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
THIS IS WHY WE ASK GOD FOR A REPLACEMENT, THEN PRACTICE IT.
A QUICK, BUT REAL EXAMPLE: I HADN’T RIDDEN A DIRT MOTORCYCLE ON TRAILS AND HILLS AND GULLIES, AND STREAMS AND SAND DUNES FOR 30 YEARS. MY FRIEND REALLY DID ENJOY DIRT RIDING. SO ONE DAY WE WENT LOOKING FOR A GOOD DIRT BIKE FOR ME. THEN CAME THAT FIRST EFFORT TO RIDE IT IN THE UTAH DESERT HILLS WITH TWO VERY GOOD RIDERS TO SET THE PACE FOR ME. MUCH FEAR AND MANY FALLS WERE MY FIRST EXPERIENCE.
I REMEMBER FEELING LIKE AN OLD FAT WOMAN WHO WAS TOTALLY UNSUITED FOR THIS SPORT. THERE WERE MANY FALLS, SOME PAINFULLY MEMORABLE.
ONCE I HAD FALLEN IN A LOW GULLY OF DEEP SAND, MY RIGHT LEG WAS TRAPPED, GAS WAS LEAKING OUT OF THE GAS TANK ONLY INCHES ABOVE THE HOT EXHAUST PIPE WHICH BY THE WAY WAS LAYING ON MY RIGHT LEG. ON A SCALE FROM ONE TO TEN, MY PAIN WAS A NINE. I THOUGHT MY LEG WAS POSSIBLY BROKEN. MY TWO FRIENDS HAD THOUGHT I WAS RIDING SLOWER, BEHIND THEM. ALL I COULD MANAGE WAS TO RAISE MY LEFT ARM AND YELL FOR HELP. EXTREMELY GRATEFUL, MY TWO FRIENDS BACK-TRACKED AND LIFTED THE BIKE OFF ME.
MOST OF THE TIME MY FALLS WERE MORE FUNNY THAN PAINFUL. BUT THERE WERE A FEW THAT REALLY SCARED ME. LATER, I WOULD STUDY WHY I HAD FALLEN, LOOKING FOR SOLUTIONS TO EACH FALL-DOWN EXPERIENCE. I BEGAN TO STUDY U-TUBE VIDEOS BY MEN WHO HAD MORE EXPERIENCE, THEN “PRACTICE THESE PRINCIPLES” ON THE TRAIL…OR IN THE FEAR ZONE. I SUGGEST THAT NO ONE EVER LEARNS ANYTHING DIFFICULT WITHOUT MUCH PRACTICE, FROM LEARNING TO RIDE THAT FIRST BICYCLE TO PLAYING THE PIANO.
AFTER 3 OR 4 YEARS I BEGAN TO ENJOY RIDING IN THE DIRT. BUT I HAD TO GO THROUGH THE PROCESS OF RE-ENTERING THE FEAR ZONE, TRYING SOMETHING DIFFERENT, AND LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES. FAILURE CAN BE STEPPING STONES FOR LEARNING, NOT STUMBLING BLOCKS FOR SELF-PITY. PERFECTIONISM CAN BE A KILLER OF PROGRESS.
THE TIME-TABLE ALSO NEEDS TO BE UNDERSTOOD. BY NATURE, I’M A SLOW LEARNER. TO EXPECT CHANGE TO COME QUICK AND EASY FOR SELF AND OTHERS IS A FALSE “EXPECTATION”. I RECALL EARLIER IN LIFE SAYING TO MYSELF THAT IT “TAKES ABOUT 10 TIMES LONGER, THAN I EXPECT.”
REALITY ALWAYS WINS IN THE LONG RUN.
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