Why Muslims Won’t Recruit Baptists                       Glenn Harrell   06-16

1The Muslim’s diet cannot handle that much fried chicken.

Baptist genes have evolved over time to accommodate the glorious bird.


2Baptists interpret the “kneel and bow – up and down” as dancing and exercise.

Both dancing and exercise are considered to be sinful activities for Baptists.


3-Muslims must pray 5 times a day.

Prayer for the Baptist is optional–once a month, and only on a full moon preceded by a leap year.


4-The real bible for Baptists, “People of the Book”, is the Roberts Rules of Order and Baptists won’t compromise it unless motioned, seconded and followed by a majority of the minority vote, as per article seven, paragraph two, preceded by a leap year.

Compromise of scripture is another matter altogether. No problems there.


5-Baptists are a “half-people” at worship. Half asleep, half supporting, half there in attendance. Let’s see, I think that’s all three halves.


6-The exciting Baptist Mission trip to Mecca would require ten new wardrobes, first class seating on the flight, motel room with a view, motion, second and vote by a minority of the majority. Never mind we haven’t visited anyone within a 5 mile radius of our own church building for years.


7-Abstinence is a Baptist must.  Abstain from church work. Abstain from church giving. Abstain from prayer, bible study, doctrinal truth and weekly worship.


8-The Muslim can understand and tolerate religious artifacts like the Catholic crucifix for the sanctuary and the Jewish menorah for the Temple. But the Baptist Pyrex for the covered dish suppers just goes too far.


9-Baptists don’t take their shoes off for just anybody.


10-Muslims must work hard and be faithful to Allah to experience heaven, and even then, there is great uncertainty.

Modern Baptists are certain that work is not a four letter word by accident.


11-In the Baptist church, women rule and the men’s job is to appear in control while they applaud the ladies.

It is important that they not cause the women to lust or give them an impression that the men plan to do anything more than motion and second their approval while sipping the iced tea provided by the women’s auxiliary.


12-The Baptist outreach plan includes a forced, friendly wave and smile at the neighbors on the way to bi-annual attendance of Easter and Christmas services.

The Muslims plan includes the eventual forced, daily assimilation of the entire world populace, including Baptists if they must.



So the real reason Muslims might shy away from Baptists is that so many Baptists really do believe that their Great Commandment and their Great Commission are both optional leap year activities subject to a motion and second. Jesus may well not be God after all and the bible is corrupted beyond repair as Muslims proclaim. How else might we have reduced our numbers so effectively and might we cause the same results to the Muslim campaign of world domination?

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